Say it
by Ddriana
Summary: Mangabased, spoilers for chapters 40 to 44, some for chapter 51. EnvyxHavoc noncon.


When Havoc woke up it wasn't because of the weight of someone sitting on his legs, it was because of the breeze from the open window. He would have liked it to be the former, but things were the way they were now.

As his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, of the dim light of the lampposts outside the hospital, he still heard that there was someone other than him in the room, breathing. The rustling of cloth by the end of the bed was a good giveaway too.

He could vaguely see a slender form at the end of his bed, tugging at the covers, pulling them loose from underneath the mattress. Havoc couldn't feel the individual though, even though he was right there, on top of his legs, moving about.

And he knew he was going to die now, of course. He knew that the moment he spotted the vague form of the ouroboros tattoo on the bare leg. The homunculi had clearly decided that it wasn't good enough that he would never walk again and that they would rather have him completely out of the way. Strangely enough Havoc found himself not afraid, but angry. As if they hadn't done enough already. Couldn't they just leave him here to his misery, and let him wither away with a shred of hope at least?

As the homunculus got off the bed Havoc grew aware of the fact that it was humming as it began to pull away the covers. His hand shot out and grabbed a hold of the sheet, silencing the homunculus.

"Why didn't you just finish me off in my sleep?" he demanded, sounding much more calm and collected than what he really was. He wanted to get up and kick its teeth in, but he suspected that he wouldn't have been able to do so even if he could feel his legs.

The homunculus looked surprised, as far as Havoc could make out in the poor light, but didn't let go of the covers.

"You are awake," it, he, said and smiled a smile too wide to be pleasant. There were altogether too many teeth involved, Havoc felt.

"You didn't-" he winced slightly as the covers were torn from his hands and thrown onto the floor, leaving him exposed and fingers aching. "You didn't answer me," he said.

"I know I didn't," he said and crawled up onto the end of the bed again, almost like a cat.

Havoc didn't say anything for a while as the homunculus sat there, facing away from him, doing something to his legs, he was certain even though he couldn't feel a thing.

What now then? he mused as he surveyed the room. Fight? He couldn't use his legs, so he would be easy pickings. There weren't even any weapons available. No guns, no sharp objects, not even a stick. From where he was he couldn't even reach the vase with its wilting flowers. Still, he couldn't just lie there, could he? This was, after all, the enemy. Alright, he had resigned from the military, but the homunculi were still his enemy, on a more personal level. Furthermore, he knew that if anyone was the Colonel's enemy he was also his, military rank or no.

His fingers reached out and found something on the top of the table, easily within reach. Havoc smiled. Trust old Breda to supply him with something even remotely like a weapon.

The homunculus leaned down just as the hand gripper came flying at him, instead sending it thudding into the wall, leaving a dent in the smooth off-white. Havoc winced as the burn wounds reminded him that he would be better off not moving more than he absolutely had to. The homunculus froze at the sudden noise, looking up from Havoc's feet and then turning back to look at the former Second Lieutenant over his shoulder.

"Ah, play nicely," he scolded gently. "Making a lot of noise will only be bad for your health," he turned around completely, smiling unpleasantly. "Never mind the health of whoever comes to help you."

"What do you want?" he hissed, cursing his luck.

The homunculus titled his head to the side and smiled again, too wide this time, but thankfully no teeth.

"I heard you were still in here, Havoc," he said. "So I thought I'd pay you a visit. I think I earned a little break."

With that he turned around again, sitting down on top of Havoc's hips and continuing his exploration of the larger man's legs, leaving Havoc surprisingly glad he couldn't feel what was going on. Even if he could have felt it he was relatively certain he wouldn't have thought too much of it at the moment. The homunculus had called his visit here a break, and therefore it was clear enough that he was, knock wood, not here to actually kill him. At least he hadn't been ordered to do so. One never knew, he reminded himself, the homunculi might very well have hobbies along the lines of Barry after all.

"Who are you?" he muttered then as the homunculus shifted, putting a bit too much weight on Havoc for his liking. For someone so skinny he was surprisingly heavy.

"Hm?" he looked at Havoc over his shoulder again, smiling in a way that could have been described as cute had it not been for the unnaturally sharp looking teeth. "I'm Envy, former Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc."

"Envy?" he repeated. The homunculus's feet were well within reach now, and he could, at least in theory, cause some damage to the creature, though he doubted it would be serious, and something told him that this Envy wouldn't hesitate to put the earlier threat into action. Besides, he might not actually be interested in killing him, and that was always a plus. No need to anger him, in other words.

"Mm," Envy smiled and bent down again.

"Who sent you?" Havoc asked then, hoping that he might get something useful out of this little encounter to tell the Colonel about in the morning. Hope springs eternal and all of that.

"Nobody."

"Ah," he paused. "And what, exactly, are you doing?"

"Investigating your current physical state," the homunculus replied.

"Oh, well," he began, trying to think of some kind of information that the other would be willing to give up, and a way to formulate it that wouldn't be equal to running headfirst into a brick wall. "Wait, what?" he frowned, Envy's words sinking in.

"You don't feel much below the waist, do you?" Envy smiled unpleasantly.

"What are you doing down there?" Havoc demanded, grabbing a hold of an ankle.

"Ah?" he looked mildly surprised as his eyes settled on Havoc's hand. For a moment they were silent, watching each other, and then Envy smiled again.

He twisted to try to see what the homunculus was doing, but by the time the short nails reached his hips he got a pretty good idea of it and winced.

"Stop that," he grimaced.

"You felt that?"

Another razorblade smile.

"Perfectly," Havoc glared at him. "Now get off me."

For a brief moment he actually thought that the homunculus was going to obey, but instead he found that he was just turning around to face him again, and got a brief glimpse of his own legs as he did so. There was dark liquid on them, that much was certain even by the dim light, and judging by the smell it was blood. Havoc glared at the homunculus who merely smiled in return.

"I said get off me," he hissed as Envy's bare leg brushed by the burn wounds.

"Did I hurt you?" Envy asked, still smiling.

"Don't you have something better to do?" he snapped. "Stealing candy from children? Pushing grannies down stairs?"

"It's the middle of the night," he shrugged. "Not many grannies out and about."

And that was how he caught Havoc off guard, and before he knew it he had the homunculus's lips pressed up against his own. The other's tongue moved against the half parted lips, playfully almost, tasting of blood. Molesting cripples ought to be up there with the candy stealing and granny pushing, Havoc felt as he pushed Envy away.

"You don't like me this way?" he asked, sounding almost hurt. Almost. "How about this?"

Havoc watched as the slender male body changed into a curvy and soft body he knew well enough from a respectable distance. Lust. The clothes disappeared in a brief shimmer and the homunculus stretched, arching his, her, its back before looking at him again.

"Is this better?" he asked. "You like this, don't you?" he smiled knowingly and grabbed a hold of Havoc's unresisting hand, moving it from his shoulder and onto his naked breast.

It took a while for Havoc to recover and gather his wits once more. The first thing that came to mind was how nice and soft she was. The second thing was how glad he was that he wasn't smoking, because the way his jaw had fallen open the cigarette would have ended up burning his chest quite severely. The third was that he was groping the enemy, and the enemy seemed to enjoy the bewildered look on his face, both of which waswrong and therefore he should stop. The fourth was that it had really been a long time since he got anywhere with his girlfriends, before they ran off with someone else or he had been reassigned and had to leave them, and that it would be a long while before anything like this would happen again. If he survived this encounter, to begin with. Besides, he reminded himself, this was the enemy and that was that.

He tried to pull away, but Envy's, Lust's, hand was still above his, and held him firmly in place.

"She was really pretty, wasn't she?" he purred as he moved Havoc's other hand to his waist.

"Why are you here?" Havoc tried again, looking away like some embarrassed teenager.

"I would think that obvious by now," he said and released Havoc's hands and instead began to tear at his clothes. "Don't you?"

Havoc tried to push away the slender hands while leaning on his right arm, but the burn wounds prickled as he did so. What little resistance Havoc could offer didn't stop Envy from tearing the hospital gown easily enough, revealing the bandaged burns underneath.

"Ooh, nasty," he smiled, running the long nails over the bandages, watching Havoc hiss. "Humans heal so slowly, it's pathetic."

Havoc pushed away the hand, trying to keep the homunculus away from the wounds. And then she, he, began to move her, his, hips and Havoc became awfully aware of how not all feeling below the waist was gone.

"Is this what you do on your breaks?" he said through clenched teeth.

"It's what Lust did," he chuckled, running the long nails over the other man's chest, getting his hand smacked away from the burns. "Gluttony just eats, and Wrath solves crosswords."

He felt that he ought to respond to that in some manner, but he couldn't for the life of him think of a way to reply to such a statement. Their names alone would have meant that the first two were given, but the third… And Envy? Shouldn't he be sulking in a corner somewhere? Or…

"Ah!" he gasped. "Stop it!"

"Don't tell me you don't like it," Envy laughed quietly, running a finger over Havoc's growing erection.

Then what the hell am I supposed to say? Havoc raged inside as Envy began planting kisses down his stomach, slowly creeping down towards the end of the bed. That because I can't win a fight in this state I'll just lie here and let you do whatever you like? That because my body is responding this is fine?

He reached out towards the table on his left, wounds reminding him that he shouldn't be moving at all, desperately trying to reach the vase. The table wobbled a little under the weight, but the vase stubbornly remained out of reach all the same.

Envy ran his tongue over Havoc's dick, and took it in his, her, mouth. Images of shark-like teeth flashed through his mind, and, no matter what that tongue could do, he knew that despite how good it felt now it could only end badly.

"Don't do that!" he almost shouted, gripping the table. It tipped slightly under the weight, sending the vase crashing down on the ground.

The homunculus looked up, seeming a bit confused at first, but moved up on top of him once more, seemingly heeding his wishes. Havoc relaxed somewhat, but placed a hand on Envy's slender shoulder as he leaned in too close for his liking.

"Don't be afraid, Jean," he whispered. "I like you. Mm, such delicious arms," Envy murmured as he ran his fingers along Havoc's arms, giving him the feeling that they might be torn off should the homunculus not like them anymore.

"Go away," he hissed.

Envy looked at him through her eyes, slightly confused at first and then shrugged and shifted again. Havoc suddenly found himself looking at Roy Mustang, smiling uncharacteristically wide.

"Do you like this better?" he asked and kissed Havoc's neck.

"No," he said truthfully, pushing the homunculus back again. He watched in morbid fascination as the body changed again.

"Now?" Edward Elric asked, looking up at him through golden bangs.

"That's sick," Havoc snapped, anger replacing surprise.

The fact that Envy clearly didn't register it as such disturbed him possibly even more than having a naked underage boy straddling him. The implications disgusted him thoroughly, and despite himself he wondered what kind of people the homunculus usually fucked, or got fucked by more likely.

"Mm," Envy seemed to consider the possibilities for a while and then shifted again.

Havoc had not been prepared for that. It was true that he had wondered what Hawkeye looked like underneath the clothes, but it was still Hawkeye. She was one of the guys. She was off limits, and not only because she was so clearly in love with the Colonel. Now she sat on top of him, smiling gently, and completely and utterly naked.

"Ah," he started as Envy reached up and released the blond hair from the hairclip, letting it fall over the shoulders.

It didn't seem that the homunculus needed to be told that Havoc had little objection to this shape, even if the company was a different matter, and instead he positioned himself, herself, above Havoc, one hand guiding him inside of Hawkeye's body.

"It's been a while since I tried a form like this," Envy admitted. "But I think I remember well enough."

At that moment Havoc didn't care whether or not Envy remembered a single thing about sex because he was warm and wet and so achingly wonderful. When the homunculus started to move he couldn't quite remember why he had objected to any of this, though the persistent thought of it all being not right would not leave him alone. The burn wounds ached and he could smell blood, but that was alright. It hurt a lot less than Hawkeye riding him felt good.

He almost whined when Hawkeye stopped moving and rose up, standing above him on all four without touching him. Her body shifted again, and he found himself looking at Envy again, suddenly very reminded of who, exactly, was in his bed.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it, Jean?" he said as he reached back behind him. Havoc couldn't see what he was doing, though he had a pretty good idea once Envy lowered himself on him again, guiding him in once more.

It felt different, good but different. Furthermore it was clear that the homunculus was more used to a man's body as he moved over him, the pale cheeks flushed. Havoc clenched and unclenched his fists, tugging at the bed sheets. It wasn't right, but it felt good, and he wanted the homunculus to leave, but at the same time he wanted him to stay for just a little while longer. He thought of Hawkeye as she moved above him, and he came then, gasping and panting and hating himself for it, and he could just vaguely hear the other man's murmured approval, the conviction that this was what Havoc had wanted all along. The wounds ached more now, and not even Envy moving on top of him could silence the pulsating pain anymore.

"Say that I'm beautiful," he whispered so quietly that Havoc first thought he had imagined it.

"Hurts," he said instead, one hand over his burn wounds, trying to gather his wits about him once more.

"Say that I'm beautiful," Envy repeated, eyes closed and biting his lower lip.

Havoc opened his mouth to comply, but a sharp stab of pain in his side reminded him that this was not what he wanted. The image of Ed naked on top of him returned and he just barely suppressed a shudder. He kind of wanted a smoke though, he realized. Smoke. His hand reached out to the table on his right, tugging at the drawer. Only one a day, thank you very much nurses in far too decent skirts. Envy paid no attention, speaking to himself, to Havoc, words he could not quite make out, nor cared to listen to. The image of Ed was too much, too clear a reminder.

The side of the drawer dug into his wrist but Havoc's fingers found the ashtray.

"Say it," Envy murmured to him.

Havoc swung and hit the homunculus's temple, and he wasn't entirely certain if the loud cracking noise had been the ashtray or Envy's skull cracking. He sincerely hoped it was the later though.

"Ahh," Envy gasped, getting off him unsteadily, and a second blow sent him tumbling off the bed, and the ashtray broke in half.

"I told you to go away," Havoc growled, sitting up with some effort.

He could just barely make out the naked human form on the ground, curled up, a hand on the side of its head. Maybe he had killed it. They were hard to kill, he knew, but one time had to be their final death, and maybe…

"You bastard," Envy hissed, effectively killing all hope.

He still clutched the broken ashtray, the only real weapon he had, as Envy got up on all four, blood running from the side of his face. A hand reached up to touch the blood and for a brief moment the homunculus looked at his blood drenched fingers.

"That was _not_ very nice," he growled.

"Fuck off," Havoc replied, holding on to the ashtray, his knuckles turning white.

Envy licked his fingers, and something exceedingly unpleasant overtook his features as the wound closed. Havoc aimed another blow at the homunculus as he stepped closer, but Envy was faster and caught his arm. For someone so slender he was ridiculously strong.

"Now look what you went and did," he hissed and lashed out, digging his nails into the bloody bandages.

Havoc saw lights, and by the time they were beginning to fade Envy had taken the ashtray away from him and positioned himself over Havoc's chest. The homunculus held the remains of the hospital gown and, after a brief struggle and some clawing at the burn wounds that left Havoc whimpering, tied Havoc's hands together against the bedposts.

"There," he said, sounding rather pleased with himself and got off the bed.

He tried to steady his breath, tried to follow Envy as he moved around the bed, tried to determine the homunculus's next move, but the burn wounds ached fiercely and he could barely think. By the time he was beginning to get a grasp of his surroundings Envy had positioned himself at the end of the bed, Havoc's legs on his shoulders.

"No," he panted as he watched the other man run his fingers over his legs. "Don't…"

"I like soldiers," the homunculus said conversationally as he began prodding inside of Havoc, fingers slick with blood. "So well trained," he went on as the other man didn't answer. "I thought you were going to scream for a moment there. Call on some poor nurse to save you."

"Stop it," he said, trying to see where the ashtray had gone and finding it on the floor by the covers.

"Relax and it won't hurt so much."

It was the 'so much' that was the worrying bit. Even though the attentions of the homunculus so far had been unwanted, Havoc had the distinct feeling that Envy had gone easy on him, possibly even that the homunculus had at some level experienced it all as consensual. He had probably been better off had he just resigned to his fate in the first place and played along. Fighting had not only reopened his wounds, but introduced a brand new way of being reminded of how powerless he was.

Two fingers, he thought and gritted his teeth. If he had had control of his legs he could still have fought. He probably wouldn't have won, but he could have fought at the very least. He could see them, thrown over Envy's narrow shoulders, but he couldn't as much as feel the heat radiating from the homunculus. Instead Havoc lay there, bent uncomfortably, exposed and feeling just about nothing below the groin, but well enough above the legs to know he was being violated in a whole new way.

Three fingers, and the bastard was humming again.

"What do you want?" he growled, holding back the urge to scream and scream until his lungs gave up. "This isn't what you came for, and you know it."

"On the contrary," Envy smiled his too wide shark smile. "It is."

And with that he pushed himself into Havoc, barely lubricated and rough. It had all gone from not right to completely wrong. Havoc clenched his jaw and tried to think of something else, though the pain made it almost impossible. He tugged at the remains of his clothes, trying to free his hands, but the cloth wouldn't give and the knots only grew tighter and his wound burned. He was relatively certain that he was breaking, that the homunculus could tell and didn't care, and he bit down another scream as Envy thrust harder and deeper.

He didn't know how long it had been before Envy spoke again, but it had been too long as far as he was concerned. Low and quiet and he barely caught it.

"Say it."

It took a while before he made the connection.

"Y-you're beautiful," he said, despite the fact that as far as he was concerned Envy was a monster and could not have been uglier to him.

"Mm," he almost purred, moving faster again, making Havoc gasp in pain.

"You're beautiful, Envy," he repeated, though he refused to open his eyes and prayed that it would be over soon.

The homunculus gasped and shuddered, and it burned even worse inside, semen getting into the wounds. Havoc cried out, but Envy remained silent and still for a while, slowly steadying breathing and seemingly somewhere else entirely. It was better than when he had been thrusting, but Havoc still wanted him out of him, wanted him gone, wanted him dead. Then finally the homunculus pulled out and lowered Havoc's legs to the mattress again, and Havoc opened his eyes once more.

Envy left through the window, the same way he had come, without even glancing back. Havoc lay there for a while, trying not to think too much about what had just happened, trying to block out the pain. It was easier said than done. His insides burned and his side throbbed, and he could see his legs better now. Bite and claw marks and cuts, and he had felt nothing, absolutely nothing. Still didn't feel a thing, not the pain, not the cold wind blowing through the open window, not the wet, blood soaked sheets.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Havoc pulled himself up, feeling the cloth dig into his wrists and knots tightening further as he did so, his sides aching in protest. He was weak and helpless and so goddamn angry that he could have killed civilians and laughed it off.

He half turned, winced as his insides objected much more furiously than his burn wounds did, and began biting at the cloth to free himself. The enemy had got him. Fine. He had expected them to come, earlier, but to kill him. Not rape and leave him alive. He would have preferred to be offed back then. Had he had his legs in working order this would have been better, because then he could at least hope of revenge, but now… He grimaced and pulled and managed to tear his left hand free.

The second hand was easier and soon he could lower his arms to his sides slowly, and the burn wounds complained a little bit less.

"Shit," he muttered, rubbing his face with his hands ever so slowly.

The burn wounds had opened, and they throbbed, his legs were riddled with bite and scratch marks, and they bled even if they didn't hurt, his insides ached, and he was unsure if he was bleeding or if it was semen coming out or both, and he was sweaty and naked and quickly growing cold, and the room smelled unapologetically of sex. The covers still lay on the floor by the end of the bed where Envy had left them, together with the broken ashtray, illuminated by the dim light of the streetlights. He needed that, he realized. The homunculus could come back and the ashtray was his only weapon, and now that it was broken it looked sharp.

He grunted as he turned to his right side and pulled himself to the edge of the bed, ignoring the pain. His legs just lay there, refusing to help him, just two lumps of flesh and bone that were so frustratingly in the way as he tried to crawl down on the floor. He landed with a thud and lay still for a while, the pain taking over his body and leaving him helpless and motionless on the cold floor.

The Colonel was coming first thing in the morning. He wouldn't be able to hide the fact that he'd gotten worse from him. He'd see. Hell, everyone would see. Havoc opened his eyes again and crawled over to the covers and the ashtray, leaving a trail of blood on the floor. Fuck it all, he was going to live through this, and if Envy returned then he would damn well kill the bastard again, legs or no legs.

He breathed heavily and pulled the covers over him, with some effort covering his legs as well, and grabbed the broken ashtray. Havoc pitied the poor nurse that would come to his aid in the morning, and prayed that his mother wouldn't come until at the very least in the afternoon for once. Still, the Colonel was coming, and there would be no hiding that something had happened. As he lay there, waiting for the sun to rise again, he contemplated what he would tell Mustang when he asked, because he would ask, Havoc knew that. He just wasn't sure he was willing to tell him the full truth, because really, what difference would that make? I have come face to face with the enemy (again), and they are great big bastards that take delight in tormenting us (as you already know).

He would tell him about Envy, he decided as the first rays of sunshine illuminated the off-white walls. He'd tell the Colonel about the homunculus, that he had come, shred his legs and been a general bastard. He didn't need to tell any details. Didn't want to. There really wasn't anything that the Colonel could do about it anyway, so why worry him more than necessary? The Colonel was a good guy; he'd try to do something. He'd also not take the news very well, because he cared too damn much.

When the nurse came he refused to let her come close and would not let go of the ashtray, he didn't trust her. It could be Envy, after all, but as she called help he finally relaxed somewhat and let them help him. When the Colonel arrived he was still holding on to the ashtray, and when the Colonel asked him he told him the truth. He stared at the roof throughout the whole thing, and he refused to look at his former boss as the handsome features turned painfully blank, and he told him everything. They let him smoke to his heart's content that day, and he never once let go of the broken ashtray.


End file.
